


Two Grooms Walk In

by perniciousLizard



Series: Fired Up and Bone Weary [22]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Bad Puns, Cold Feet, Hangover, Illnesses, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Stag Nights & Bachelor Parties, Suits, Wedding Planning, Weddings, mention of vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 05:41:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8477488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perniciousLizard/pseuds/perniciousLizard
Summary: The wedding’s looming and “responsibility” contains several letters from Sans’ name.  He can’t just nap until the party, unfortunately.





	1. Chapter 1

Something light whapped repeatedly against Sans’ skull.  He didn’t move.  

“SANS!  BROTHER!”

“you got a bone to pick with me bro?”  Sans mumbled.  

Papyrus paused for a second before answering.  "WELL…THERE IS, IN FACT, A _BONE OF CONTENTION!_ “  

"heh.”   It felt like Papyrus was hitting him with a sheet of paper. 

“DON’T CHUCKLE AT MY SKILLFULLY DELIVERED BUT STILL PAINFULLY TERRIBLE PUN WITHOUT AT THE VERY LEAST OPENING YOUR EYES!   I HAVE WORK FOR YOU!”

“who is this.”

“YOU CALLED ME ‘bro’ TEN SECONDS AGO.”

“i call everyone bro.”

“YOU DO NOT!”  

“do too.”  

“DO NOT!  AND DO!  NOT!  START!”

“start what?”

“DELIBERATELY DISTRACTING ME BY NOT LETTING ME GET TO THE POINT!”

“hey.  do i look like the kind of guy who’d do that?”

“I WAS LOOKING AT YOU WHILE YOU WERE DOING IT, SO, I WOULD SAY YES!  YOU MEET THE PERPETRATOR’S DESCRIPTION EXACTLY.  AND YOU _JUST DID IT AGAIN_!”

This continued for a while.  Sans could almost nod off while simultaneously irritating his brother.  

“SANS!”  Uhoh.  This one was louder than the others.  "THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I CAN DO FOR YOU!"

He should probably make sure it wasn’t actually important.  "what’s up?”  Sans squinted at the paper Papyrus was still waving in front of him.  

Papyrus held it still, and Sans groaned and sat up.  His joints popped.

“WHY DO YOU SOUND LIKE SUCH AN OLD SKELETON?  HERE!  THIS IS _YOUR_ PART OF THE GUEST LIST FOR _YOUR_ WEDDING, WHICH IS FOR _YOU_ , AND NOT FOR _ME_.”

Sans fumbled around for his glasses.  Papyrus’ list started out strong.  Papyrus’ name was on it, then Toriel and Frisk, and it went on down through the obvious choices.  Then, it got to Asgore, or “THE KING??????  I THINK??” and Papyrus lost steam.  He’d finished off with “GREATER DOG MAYBE” and given up.  

“IF YOU WERE LESS MYSTERIOUS FOR NO GOOD REASON, MAYBE I COULD HAVE FINISHED THIS FOR YOU,” Papyrus said.  "RECALL THAT NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO KEEP A POINTLESS SECRET!  THAT IT MIGHT BE GETTING IN THE WAY OF YOUR LAZINESS."  

"g dog’s great.  but i guess it depends on how many people i’m supposed to invite.”  He wasn’t sure Grillby had even settled the location issue, yet.  He kept thinking they had a place set and having them cancel before anything was in writing.  Maybe Sans should know more about what was going on.  It was coming up kind of fast. 

“THIS IS NOW ENTIRELY YOUR RESPONSIBILITY,” Papyrus said.  

“i never thought the great papyrus would be so low that he’d swear around me.”  

“WHAT?”  His eye sockets narrowed.  "RESPONSIBILITY IS NOT A DIRTY WORD."

Sans covered his ears.  

"RESPONSIBILITY!” he yelled, louder.  

“my own brother.”  

“IT CONTAINS THREE OUT OF THE FOUR LETTERS OF YOUR NAME!  IT IS YOUR DESTINY, SANS!”

“now i have to change most of my name.  i’m 'a’ now.”  He finally took the paper.  "laziness has all the letters of my name in it, by the way."

"OF COURSE IT DOES.”  

“also, raisins.  sand.  sands, i guess.”  

“THANK YOU FOR SHARING THESE COMPLETELY UNINTERESTING FACTS.  ALSO: SNAILS.”

“that’s the best one yet.”  

Papyrus nodded.  "OF COURSE.  NOW GET TO WORK!  I AM LEAVING YOU TO IT, AND IF YOU DO NOT GIVE GRILLBY A GUEST LIST SOON IT IS GOING TO MAKE HIM SAD."

More like cranky, but that was a low hit from Papyrus.  "ok, ok, got it.”  

“HE IS NOT THE ONLY ONE GETTING MARRIED.”

“i know.”  

Once Papyrus was gone, Sans glanced over the list and set it down.  He’d ask Grillby the number later, and be done with the whole thing in two minutes. Papyrus had done most of the work for him, already.  He just had to cross a few people off, maybe add a couple.  

This had to just be the tip of the iceberg, though.  

He already had a suit, so he didn’t have to go through that hell again, but there were going to be other things they needed him involved in.  

He had to take the long view.  He had to ride this part out.

Papyrus was right, though.  Grillby wasn’t marrying himself.  Sans had to take _some_ responsibility.  After he finished the guest list, he had to come up with a couple new jokes he hadn’t used for his toast at Alphys’ wedding.  He needed to find his sunglasses before they left on the honeymoon.  He had his own stuff to take care of.  


	2. Chapter 2

There had to be rain on the forecast, because Grillby was grilling fish for dinner.  

It was well past should-be-sleeping hours for monsters who didn’t have a night schedule.  Even Papyrus was in bed.  It was likely he was awake and fleshing out his puzzle idea for the community park, or cataloging his action figures, but he was quiet in his room.  

Sans was in his “pajamas:” a ratty t-shirt that was too big and one stain away from being stolen from him and transformed into cleaning rags.  

Grillby flipped over the fish with satisfied vehemence.  Despite the upcoming weather, he wasn’t in a _bad_ mood.  It was as good a time as any to bring up the wedding.  

“so, uh.”  

Grillby turned his head, slightly, listening.  

“you ever get the place locked in?”  

It was an out of nowhere question, but Grillby didn’t ask what he was talking about, and he didn’t take any time reacting to it like he knew exactly what Sans meant.  His good mood was gone.  

“i just don’t know if i’m supposed to invite five people or fifty.  that’s the only reason i brought it up.”  

“……I wish I could tell you.”  

“i thought you had that one place set.”  

He shook his head.  "…me too."

"oof.  sounds like you’re having a great time.”  He probably should be more up to speed on this.  Better late than never, right?  He’d figured Grillby knew what he was doing better than he would, so he’d keep his pan out of the fire and let the practical stuff get sorted on its own.  

Grillby shook his head.  "I will figure it out."

"first plan was your place, right?”

“…too small.”

“how big are you making this thing?”

“I have to keep my relatives from suffocating the rest of the guests, and that takes space.”  

“ok.  that’s fair.”  

Grillby set Sans’ plate in front of him and sat down across from him.  

“thanks.”

“Maybe we will have to have it up near where my family lives.”  

“ok.”  No, he didn’t like that.  "but, why?  you don’t want that.  i don’t want that.  a lot of our friends won’t be able to go if they have to travel that far."

"I know.”

“and it’s just going to end up being mostly your relatives, which is exactly what you didn’t want.”  

“It would be easier,” he admitted.  "Everything else has fallen through."

Sans got up to grab the ketchup.  "ok.”  

“…ok?”

“this is turning into exactly the wedding you didn’t want.  all that’s left is having it outside, on a beach or something.”  

“Maybe I just want to get to have one,” Grillby said.  He looked tired.

“uh, i thought the point was…i dunno.  something other than that.”  Like, showing the people they cared about that they cared about each other?  Something gross like that.  The nice kind of gross.  

“You never saw the point of it in the first place.”  

Sans stood still in front of the fridge, door open, letting the chilled air filter out into the kitchen.  "ok."

"I’m right?”

“uh.  you wanted it.  that’s why we’re doing this.  i already got the part i wanted.”  He’d just wanted that promise, so he could feel like he was standing on solid ground for a while.  

“So why do you care where it is?”

Sans finally spotted the ketchup bottle, but stayed where he was. “‘cause…this is supposed to make you happy?  ok.   _that’s_ what i want outta this.  that’s the point.”  

He had thought that Grillby was working himself up to angry, and Sans had been avoiding the wedding planning for so long he couldn’t really blame him for it.  But the anger seemed to fall out of him.  

“I’ll figure this out,” Grillby repeated.

“sure.  how about this, though?”  He grabbed the bottle and ambled back over to the table.  "that’s what you tell 'em.  you tried to figure it out.  you contacted a bunch of different places, and came back with nothing.  so you say sorry.  guess you can only have a few people after all.  you wanted to invite everyone, and it’s a _real_ shame, but here’s where you can send a gift.  family’s pissed _for_ you instead of _at_ you, and there’s only people you want to see at the party."

Grillby stared at him.  

"how’s that sound?”

He took off his glasses and wiped them on his napkin.  "I think…you don’t need to try and help with this."

"you could just say it’s a bad idea.”  

“It’s tempting, but…that’s not what I mean.  I can handle most of this myself, like I told you from the start.”

“i do always like not doing stuff.”  He shrugged.  "maybe there’s not a lot you want me to do, but i can listen to you complain, right?"

"…you don’t have to do that, either."

"hey.  c'mon, pal.  don’t take that away from me.  i love when you get heated about things.”  

“…”  He started to say something, and then stopped.

“remember the last time we went on a date by accident?  right after you sent me a bunch of text messages telling me how good looking i was?”

“…there was more _to_ those…”

Sans had them saved.  "yeah you said i was the smartest and funniest guy you ever met."

"…"

"and the coolest.”

“…that can’t be right.  That’s Papyrus.”

“true. but you didn’t know him that well, then.  anyway.  we went to a crap diner and you complained about the food the whole time and that’s when i decided i wanted to go out with you.”

“…I…hope that isn’t true.”

“sorry.”  He laughed.  "anyway.  tell me what’s bugging you.  it’s like, the foundation of what we’ve got here, so don’t feel like you’ve got to keep it to yourself.  i thought you were mad i wasn’t helping."

"I was,” he admitted.  "But…there still isn’t much you can do.  You already have a suit.  You can’t finish your guest list until I give you a number."

"i can try to keep you in a good mood,” Sans said.  "there we go.  that’s my job."

"…you do that anyway."

"you trying to be cute to get me over there?”  Sans asked.  

“No.”  He pushed his chair back.  "…but come over here anyway."

Sans grunted and climbed down from his seat.  He was barely over there before Grillby was pulling him into his lap.  He pressed his face against Sans’ shoulder.  

Sans was a little alarmed by how tightly Grillby was holding him.  "all right?”  He was stressed out, lately.  

“It’s really…irritating,” Grillby said.  "Almost everything else is ready."

"you’ll figure it out.  or you won’t and it’ll still be fine,” Sans said, shrugging.  

“…that covers the range of possibilities, yes,” Grillby said.  

“nah.  i left out 'we won’t be fine’ on purpose.”  

“…thank you.”  He sighed.  They were both quiet, for a few minutes. When he spoke again, some of the tightness was gone from his voice. “…you know.  There may be be something you can do…that would _actually_ help.”  

“is that a roundabout way of telling me i’m doing a bad job here?”  

“…yes, but I do have an idea.”

“let’s hear it.”  

“You should probably make sure your suit still fits.  It’s been a while.”

Sans hadn’t been expecting that.  "uh.  yeah.  who knows.  maybe i hit a growth spurt.  it’s a miracle."

"…maybe."

"maybe up’s not the way you meant.”  He lifted up one of his bony arms and examined it.  

Grillby nodded.  "you aren’t taller, but…you seem much more…diagonal lately."

Sans chuckled.  That joke was really awful.  He loved it.  "but i’ve got this idea in my skull that there’s some other motive here.”

Grillby leaned in and kissed him on the neck.  

“but what could it be?”  

“…hmm.”  He pecked him again in the same spot.  

They heard footsteps approaching, and Sans slid off Grillby’s lap.  "well, suit’s in the closet."

Papyrus walked into the kitchen.  "WELCOME HOME,” he said.  

“…hello, Papyrus.”  

“you caught us just about to hit the hay.”  

Papyrus’ eyes were drawn to the dirty dishes on the table.  

“…I’ll take care of them.  In the morning.”  

“long day.  he’s burned down pretty low,” Sans said.  

“WELL, I TRUST GRILLBY TO TAKE CARE OF THEM,” Papyrus decided.  

“night, bro.”

“HALF THIS MESS IS YOURS,” Papyrus said.  He sighed.  "GOOD NIGHT."

They heard Papyrus start washing the dishes anyway as they left.  Grillby locked their bedroom door behind them.  

"ok.  i’ll put the suit on but you’d need to be in a way worse mood before i find one of those nooses.”  

“…they don’t…suit you…anyway.”

“those jokes are the best part of wearing this,” Sans said.  

Grillby shook his head.  He took the suit out of the back of the closet. Sans put it on, and expressed doubt that it did still fit, since it felt like he was suffocating. 

“…no.  You just aren’t used to wearing clothes that fit right.”  He was in a visibly better mood.  

“all right.  so, great.  i can still wear this.  what about you?”

Grillby started to take out his carefully stored tuxedo from the closet.  

“you wore that last week.  not that.  i mean, what about the great shirt i got you for the trip.”  The wedding, Sans could take or leave, but he was pretty pumped for the vacation afterward.

“It would have to be very badly sized for me not to fit in it.”  

And skeletons didn’t suddenly change size when they were adults.  "ok."

"I’m not sure where I put it.”

Sans opened up a drawer, dug through it to the bottom, and pulled it out.  It had a huge floral print, like Sans always saw guys wearing in human movies when they were at the beach.

“…ah.”  Grillby took it from him, pinching it between two fingers and holding it away from himself.  "…I should try on the bathing suit, too."  They weren’t traveling anywhere near water.  

"yeah. they go together.”  

“…do they?”  He found the bathing suit, himself, and started to change.  

When Grillby took his shoes off, Sans said, “wait.”  He dug through the closet and found a pair of worn sandals.  "here. these, too.“  

"…ok?"

"and leave your socks on.”  Sans winked.  

“…I’m divorcing you.”

“fair enough.”  

Grillby tried not to laugh.  He failed.  

“think of it as a uniform for vacation.”

“…no.”  He put on the floral shirt and buttoned it up.  


	3. Chapter 3

Keeping the boyfriend happy wasn’t the worst job in the world, by far.  Sans was even motivated to do more than the bare minimum.  He didn’t put anything into that kind of work without getting something back, anyway.  

Grillby decided to scale things down, like Sans suggested.  He apologized to the relatives he didn’t want around in the first place and said how upset he was it wasn’t going to work out.  Sans expected Mom to have an opinion, but she and Grillby were mostly communicating through Grillby’s brother.  That was his wedding present to Grillby, and Sans wasn’t sure it was the healthiest way to be dealing with their issues, but it helped keep Grillby in a good mood.  

With that hurdle done away with, it was a flat walk to the actual wedding.  Grillby was organized, Papyrus was motivated, and Sans was keeping out of the way but not so far out of the way that they couldn’t find him if they needed to ask him something.  

Toriel didn’t directly involve herself in any of the planning, but she took it upon herself to give him marriage advice.  She helped him with the “Greatest Hits” version of the bad advice she had been given before her own marriage.  

She usually ended with: “and remember, you can always get a divorce.”  

“yeah tori but with all your great advice i’ll be married forever.”  

“If you ever see him speaking with another man, he is having an affair. If he is friends with other men, he cannot actually be friends.  One thing will lead to another,” she explained.

“so, what’s the strategy, here, if i catch him.  he doesn’t have a car so i can’t key it.”  He was pretty sure that was standard.  

“I am sure there is some other property damage – oh!  Or, you could refuse to speak to him.”

“how’s that work?”

“You…don’t speak words?  I am not sure what about this is difficult.”

“there’s a flaw in this, tori.  he’s not a chatty guy, himself.  i’d say nothing, and he’d just figure i was sleeping with my eyes open.  i mean, sure, i know he’d be silently yearning to hear one of my jokes.”  

“Oh!  Perfect!  You should tell him that if he looks at another man, you will refuse to tell him another of your wonderful jokes for a full month!”  

“…”  Sans stared at her.  "tori.  that might be the first advice you’ve given me that would help my marriage."

"Nonsense!”

Grillby would just pick a random man and stare at him until he was sure Sans noticed.  And he would keep that up until he accumulated enough months to last until the heat death of the universe.  Sans was distracted, briefly, trying to figure out how many glances that would be.

He heard a door open.  Frisk walked in from their bedroom, their expression grim.

“Oh!  You are just in time.  I was making sure that Sans was properly prepared for married life.”  

“no one’s given me better advice.”  

“…In that case, I wonder if you can just keep divorce papers on hand,” Toriel said.  "I do hope that your other friends are better at this than my old relatives were."

Frisk seemed to be considering him.  

"what’s up, kiddo?  you’ve got some advice for me?”  

They told him that he shouldn’t worry about anything.  

“me, worry?”  

They told him that everything had to keep moving forward, no matter what.  They were determined.  

Sans stared at them.  "uh.  thanks."  It was supposed to be reassuring, but when the kid brought up the past like that, even vaguely, it was like they dumped ice water down his spine.  

"Frisk is correct.  There is no need to worry,” Toriel said.  

“i guess i’m going to have to figure out something to worry about so i can quit it,” Sans said.  "oh, hey, what’s the weather report look like?  i’ll worry about that."  If it rained a lot around the big day, it’d put Grillby in a poorly timed bad mood.  

"Sans.  We have already told you not to worry.  The weather will be lovely, and anyway, everything will be inside.”  

“ok, got it.  i’m done worrying about the weather.  thanks, guys.”  They saved the day.  

Frisk walked around the couch and glared at him.  

Sans held his hands up.  "ok, ok, i heard you, kid."  

It didn’t change much, since Frisk had said themself that they weren’t entirely in control of the timelines, and they had not always been the vehicle for the anomaly (so it was possible someone else could take it over), but Sans appreciated the sentiment.  They’d do what they could to keep time going forward.  A skeleton couldn’t ask much more than that.  

Frisk nodded, and relaxed.  

"don’t worry, huh.  well–” Sans patted next to him on the couch “–take a breather yourself.  your pal’s gonna be on in two minutes.”  He switched on the television.  

Frisk checked the seat, automatically, but they weren’t watching from all angles.   _PHBHBHBLT!_ They turned and glared at Sans.

“what’s that look for?  wasn’t me.”

“Who else could it have been, I wonder?”  Toriel asked, from the other side of Frisk.  "If you just take ownership of your actions, I am sure my child will forgive you."

Tori was the best.  Sans hadn’t even seen her do it, and he knew she had a tough time with slights of the hand with her enormous paws.  

They high-fived behind Frisk’s back.  Frisk stole the remote while they were distracted, and they were stuck watching Mettaton for the rest of the night.  


	4. Chapter 4

“IT IS TIME FOR THE SKELETON BROTHER FAMILY MEETING!”  Papyrus nearly busted down the bathroom door.  

Sans was standing on the toilet, stringing socks he had attached to yarn across the room.  

“WE HAVE TO–”  He stopped.  "SANS.  FOR A SECOND, I MISTAKENLY THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING LAUNDRY, BUT THOSE ARE DRY."

"hey.  knock, ok.  i coulda been taking a shower or something,” Sans said.  

“YOU?  WHAT ARE YOU–WHY ARE YOU–”  Papyrus sighed.  

“grillbz said this room was pretty empty and he was thinking of hanging something up here to liven it up.  he’s busy, so i’m helping the bf out.”

“THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT WHAT HE MEANT.”

“i wonder how long it’ll be until he notices.”  It could be months.  Grillby rarely went in that room.  

Papyrus shook his head.  "MOVING ON!  IT IS TIME FOR THE SKELETON BROTHER FAMILY MEETING!"

"the what.”  Sans stared at him, at eye level for a change, from his perch at the top of the throne.  

“I HAVE DECIDED!  EVERY MONTH, STARTING TODAY, WE WILL HAVE A FAMILY MEETING!  COMMUNICATION IS KEY TO HEALTHY FAMILIAL RELATIONSHIPS!”

“what’d i do?  just tell me what’s up.”  Sans climbed down from the toilet and checked over his work.  

“NOTHING IS ‘UP’!  BUT I AM READY TO BUCKLE 'DOWN’ AND GET STARTED.”  

Sans shrugged and followed him into the living room.  He noticed a small pile of self help books on the table.  Welp, that explained it.  

“NOW, SINCE GRILLBY IS A MEMBER OF THE FAMILY NOW, WE COULD INVITE HIM TO THESE MEETINGS, BUT I THOUGHT WE SHOULD DISCUSS THE MATTER, FIRST.”

“if he wants, i guess.”  

Papyrus went over the format for the “family meeting.”  There was a chart, and a timetable, and a list of acceptable topics.  Sans nodded off.  Papyrus shook him awake and pointed at the third item on the long list of rules.  "NO NAPPING, SANS!"

"hey.  no fair.  so you can take a nap?”  

“WHY WOULD I SLEEP, EVER?  SANS, PAY ATTENTION!  I KNEW YOU WEREN’T GOING TO PAY ATTENTION, SO I PUT TOGETHER A QUIZ FOR YOU TO TAKE AT THE END OF THE MEETING.”  

“sure.  uh, this is cool and all, and, wow, you put a lot into this.  but, i gotta get going.”  Sans stood up.  "i gotta help the kid with their homework."

"THEY ARE ON SUMMER VACATION,” Papyrus said.  

“so?”

“SANS! I NEED YOU TO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.  THIS IS ABOUT MAINTAINING LINES OF HEALTHY COMMUNICATION, WHEN THAT IS SOMETHING WE HAVE STRUGGLED WITH, IN THE PAST.”  

Sans sighed and closed his eyes.  He didn’t sit down.  "if you’ve got a bone to pick with me, bro, just spit it out."

"I HAVE NEVER SPIT IN MY LIFE, AND AM NOT GOING TO START.  BUT THIS IS WHAT I MEAN!  YOU ASSUME I HAVE A PROBLEM, BECAUSE WE ONLY EVER ADDRESS ANYTHING WHEN IT IS WELL PAST THE POINT WHERE IT WOULD HAVE MADE SENSE TO BRING IT UP.”

“ok.  so _that’s_ the problem.”  

“OKAY, FINE!  IF YOU WILL JUST SIT DOWN!”

“look, paps, we can talk if you want,” Sans said.  "but you’ve got to tone it down.  if there’s something you need to get off your rib cage, just tell me."

"IT IS NOT ME WHO NEEDS TO TALK, SANS!”  

“is it grillbz?”

“GRILLBY IS PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF EXPRESSING HIMSELF WHEN IT IS NECESSARY.”

“your pal undy keeping stuff bottled up?”  

“SANS!”

“oh.  you meant me.  i dunno.  you’re putting me on the spot here.  you got a subject in mind, or what?”

“WELL, PRIMARILY…THE WEDDING!  YOU SEEM STRESSED ABOUT THE WEDDING.”

“i do?  'cause i’m not.”  He settled back on the couch.  If this was something Papyrus was fussing about, Sans agreed at least that he should resolve it.  

Papyrus sat down next to him.  "YOU SAY THAT, BUT YOU HAVE BEEN SLEEPING MORE."

"yeah. think i’m coming down with something.  which sucks, but maybe i’ll get that over with and won’t be sick on the big day.”  

“YOU’RE ILL.”  

“yup.”  He shrugged.  

“PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU ARE SO STRESSED.”  

Sans closed his eyes, for a second.  "look, bro, _you’re_ stressing more about this than i am.  let’s turn this around.  what’s your deal?"

"WELL, I DON’T MIND MOST OF IT.  IT IS GREAT PREPARATION FOR WHEN I SOMEDAY MEET THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE,” Papyrus said.  "IF I DID NOT ALREADY HAVE SUCH A GREAT JOB, I WOULD CONSIDER GOING INTO WEDDING PLANNING!"

"you’d be pretty good at that,” Sans agreed.  

“GRILLBY IS…PICKIER THAN UNDYNE WAS.  BUT HE ALSO HAS NEVER GIVEN ME A NOOGIE OR TRIED TO GET IN A FIST FIGHT WITH A RUDE FLORIST, SO IT BALANCES OUT.”  

“picky.  yeah, i see it.”  

“CONFIDENT IN HIS OWN TASTE?”  

“picky.”

“BUT IT’S FINE.  SOMEDAY I WILL GET MARRIED AND I WILL MAKE ALL THE DECISIONS MYSELF!  AND I WILL HAVE ALL THIS EXPERIENCE, SO IT WILL BE EASY!”  

“what if you marry someone who cares?” Sans wondered.  

“OBVIOUSLY OUR TASTES WILL ROMANTICALLY ALIGN AND IT WILL WORK OUT IN BOTH OUR FAVOR.”  

Sans snickered.

“SHUSH!  ALLOW ME THIS ONE FANTASY.”  

“ok, ok.”  

“THERE.  NOW I HAVE TOLD YOU HOW I AM FEELING ABOUT YOUR WEDDING, SO NOW YOU WILL BE HONEST WITH ME.”  

Sans rubbed his head.  

“I SUPPOSE MY QUESTION IS…ARE YOU HAPPY?  IT CAN BE DIFFICULT TO TELL.   PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU DELIBERATELY HIDE WHEN YOU ARE MISERABLE.”

“happy.  in general, or with grillbz, or what?”  

“IN GENERAL AND WITH THE WEDDING AND GRILLBY AND ME AND EVERYTHING,” Papyrus clarified.  

“uh.”  He shifted, uncomfortable.  It was an easy question, with an easy answer.  He wasn’t sure why it was so hard to say it.  "yeah, i am."

"YOU ARE BEING HONEST?”  

He sighed.  "…honestly, papyrus, there’s only a few times in my life i remember being as happy as i am right now."

Papyrus clutched his hands to his chest, stars in his eyes.  "REALLY??”

“yeah.”

He deflated.  "BUT…THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE GOING ON.  THAT SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN DIFFICULT.  YOU CAN’T PUT THIS PAST ME, BROTHER."

"i guess a lot of the other times that were this nice didn’t end up so hot, looking back,” Sans said.  "kind of colors it."

"I SEE.”  Papyrus put his hand on Sans’ shoulder.  "WELL, I DON’T SEE ANY REASON WHY THAT WOULD BE THE CASE, THIS TIME."

"yeah.”  The consequences were smaller.  If things went bad, he’d hate it, but there was a huge difference between a marriage failing and what had happened.  He kept reminding himself that.  Anyway, he had a great thing going with Grillby, and he didn’t actually think it was going to go up in flames.  In the bad way.  Everything was fine.  

“WAS I IN ANY OF THOSE GOOD MEMORIES?”  Papyrus asked.  

“the ones that didn’t go bad,” Sans said.  "they were all you."

Papyrus’ eye sockets filled with tears and he crushed Sans against his chest. "THIS WAS A GOOD TALK!  I WILL SCHEDULE IT FOR EVERY MONTH FROM NOW ON!”  

“what?  no.  i take it back.”  

“IT IS TOO LATE!  YOUR SINCERITY SHONE THROUGH!”  

Sans could pretty easily have places to be.  Papyrus was taking a real risk letting him know the date when he was planning these things. That stack of self-help books was weighing on Sans, though.  He needed his brother to stop worrying about him.  He’d put up with it for a couple months.  

“NOW, FOR THE QUIZ!”  

But there were limits.  Sans stared at the piece of paper Papyrus handed to him.  It looked pretty in-depth.  He was impressed by how much thought Papyrus had put into the family meeting thing, considering he had come up with the idea earlier that same day.  

Sans eventually signed his name, leaving the rest of the paper blank.  “done.”  He took a short cut out of there before Papyrus had a chance to check his answers.  


	5. Chapter 5

He hadn’t been lying about the cold.  It hit him pretty hard, so even the tiny bit of responsibility he had taken on got taken away.  

He heard the bedroom door open and the room got a touch warmer.  "hey grillby," Sans said.  His voice was low and gravely from the illness.  "good timing, right?”  

The bed shifted.  A warm hand touched his face, tipping his chin up so he could get looked over.  

“i wonder if this is what they call ‘cold feet,’” Sans said.  He snickered, but it caught in his throat and he ended up coughing.  

Grillby set his hand on Sans’ feet and heated them up for him.

Sans opened an eye.  "it’s, uh, a figure of speech, buddy."

"…oh?"  He feigned surprise.  Grillby was just messing with him.  

"yeah.  it’s like, ok, you know 'hothead?’  it’s the opposite of that.”

Grillby was looking a little hot-headed himself, stuck in a spot where he was irritated by the lie but unable to correct him.  "What does…hothead mean?"

"it’s when you’re pumped about getting married,” Sans explained.  

“Go to sleep, Sans.”  

“k.”  Sans closed his eye again.  The light was giving him a headache, anyway.  "hey, sorry, by the way."

"You meant to get sick?”  

“i mean yeah.  generally.  it’s loads of fun.”  

Grillby sighed.  "So long as you are having a good time."  He was trying to keep it light, but even without looking at him Sans could tell he was worried.  

"just another chance to slack off.  'course i just had the one real job, and i didn’t mind it that much.”

Grillby shook his head.  "…take care of yourself.  That’s your job, until you get better."

"got it, boss.”  He grabbed a ball of tissues and pressed them against his leaking nose hole.  "but hey, if you wanted to mess around, just say the word."  He coughed into the tissue wad and then set it back next to him on the bed.  

He felt an intense heat as the tissues were incinerated an inch away from his head.  He looked over and watched Grillby set a clean box of them next to him, on top of the ashes.  

"Another time,” Grillby said.  "Go back to sleep."  He stayed nearby, quietly puttering around the bedroom.  Sans could still sort of see the light even with his eyes closed.  

He might have nodded off for a short while, but Grillby was still there when he woke up.  "hey.”  Sans propped himself up on his elbows.  "you’re a real champ when i get like this."

"I know I’m charming when _I’m_ sick,” Grillby said.  He was over by the dresser. 

Sans snorted.  "'charm’s’ the name they’ll pick when they bottle up that smell from last time.  they’ll hawk it as a fancy perfume." 

Grillby shook his head.  Sans could tell he was a little amused, but didn’t want to encourage him.  They still had a hole in the floor in one of the spots he’d thrown up.  It couldn’t be a great memory.

"well.  how do some of those humans say it?  'In sickness and in health,’ right?”  He thought remembering that meant Frisk had made him watch a few too many romance flicks, lately.  They always woke him up during the marriage ceremonies.  

Grillby nodded.  He brought over the small trash can he kept on his side of the bed and set it next to Sans’.  Sans was a guy who could take a hint, so he nudged some of his accumulated garbage over the edge.  It mostly missed the basket.  

“you’re gonna end up with more of one than the other,” Sans admitted. He tried to use his magic to move some garbage into it without actually looking, but just knocked the can over entirely.  He gave up and lay back down.  His head ached.  

Grillby sat down on the bed next to him.  "You stayed with me."

Sans hadn’t done much.  There wasn’t that much he could do, really.  It hadn’t been dangerous, like Grillby’s illness when they first started dating, so he’d hung around.  It had just been kind of gross, which wasn’t something that bothered Sans.  He hadn’t realized that Grillby thought he’d helped.  

He remembered squatting down on the floor next to where Grillby sat miserably hunched over a metal basin.  Sans had on a pair of oven mitts that bumped up his already pretty high heat resistance.  He patted Grillby on the back and looked in the basin.  

"now that’s something,” he’d said.  "where’d that even come from?"  Monster food was immediately converted into energy, and Grillby just incinerated human food.  

"………..who………….cares……?"

"yeah. i hear you.”  He tried to pluck Grillby’s glasses off his face with the oven mitts on, which worked as well as he should have expected.  He eventually got them off with his magic and set them on the side table where Grillby usually left them.  

“wanna hear a joke?”  Sans asked.  

“…………please………don’t…”

“ok.”   And he had been out of ideas how to help.  He sat down properly on the floor next to him and stayed there until it got a little too warm even for him and he had to move over to the bed.  

That was probably why Grillby kept hanging around instead of just checking up on him occasionally, like he normally did.

“sure, but i sit next to you and joke about how bad you smell even when you’re healthy,” Sans said.  

“I always smell wonderful.”

“that’s why it’s a joke.”

“………go to sleep, Sans.”  


	6. Chapter 6

Sans was at the point where he could drag himself out of bed when the first long distance visitors started arriving for the wedding.  It was two weeks away.  

The doorbell rang three times before he managed to loosely wrap himself in a bathrobe, covering up the shorts he had worn for so long they felt like they had merged into his bones and become a part of him.  

Papyrus was at work and Grillby was still out picking up the last few things he needed for dinner.  Mom was early.  

Sans checked his phone, and found a message from Grillby:

_*Apparently they are running ahead of schedule and might be there before I’m back._

Maybe he should’ve checked his phone at some point.  He opened the front door.  

“oh, hey, mom,” Sans said.  

“Sans.”  Searily was letting off tiny sparks, like she sometimes did when she was annoyed.  Braise, her other son, stood behind her carrying his child, currently a sleeping and shapeless mass of fire, against his shoulder.  

“hey guys.  you’re a little early, so gz’s still out grabbing stuff.”

“There was no traffic.”  

“nice.  so no trouble.”  He wanted to go back to bed.  

“It was still long,” Braise said.  He shifted his child to his other shoulder.

“if you want to dump the kid on paps’ bed until grillby gets back, bro won’t care.”  

Braise nodded and Sans led him to Papyrus’ bedroom.  He hoped, belatedly, that the kid wouldn’t burn up Papyrus’ favorite sheet set, but it to was too late to take back the offer.  She looked too comfortable there.  

“you two make yourselves at home,” Sans said, once they were outside of the room.  "grillby’ll be back, uh, at some point."  He started back towards his bedroom.  

"Where are you going?”

“sorry.  you kind of interrupted me in the middle of something super important,” Sans said.  "take whatever you want out of the fridge."

"Okay.  You’re busy?”

“yeah, i finally found my _dream_ job,” he said, winking.  "nah, i was just in the middle of a pretty great nap.  he’ll be back soon."  He went into his bedroom and closed and locked the door behind him.  There were better ways to deal with them, but he was too tired to care.  

–

_*yeah they’re here_

Grillby hurried back as fast as he could, but he couldn’t force public transportation to speed up.  He almost asked Sans to get him, but knew that Sans had been so out of it, Grillby would be lucky if he remembered to put on a bathrobe before appearing in the middle of the bus station.

The front door refused to open easily when his arms were full of groceries.  His mother heard the doorknob rattling and opened it for him.  She helped him carry everything into the kitchen.  

Braise was sitting on the living room couch drinking a glass of one of Grillby’s most expensive bottles of wine.  

"He let us in, told us to make ourselves at home, and went back to bed,” Braise said.  There were three wine glasses set out.  He filled the empty one and pushed it towards Grillby.  

Grillby nodded.  "We were expecting you to be late, if anything."

"He’s sick?”  

He nodded, again.  

“See, Mom?  And you thought he just hated you.”  

“Not just,” she said.  

“He’s almost over it,” Grillby said.  He didn’t think Sans hated his mother, but he didn’t see the point in arguing about it.  "But the medicine makes him groggy." 

"Well, he can’t help being sick,” Braise said.

Searily nodded.  

Grillby sat down and picked up his glass.  They didn’t seem to be taking Sans’ behavior personally, which was a relief.  They were two hours early and Sans was sick, so he would have started out their visit annoyed with them if they wanted to pick a fight about it.  

“Is she asleep?”  Grillby asked Braise.  "I have a present for her."  He actually had a pile of gifts for his niece.  They seemed to accumulate when she wasn’t around.  

He nodded.  "I’ll wake her up later.”  

“Oh.  I also have a gift for you, Grillby,” Searily said.  

“Shouldn’t it wait for the wedding?” he asked.  

She shook her head.  She went to retrieve it from the car.  

“This is kind of a big deal,” Braise said.  "So don’t be an asshole about it if you don’t like it."

Grillby nodded.  

Sans shuffled into the room while she was gone.  "heeey, pal,” he said, to Grillby.  "got everything?"

"Probably not.”  

“oh well.”  He eyed the bottle of wine and went into the kitchen. He came back with a mug that read “#1 ~~Grandpa~~ sans” and he poured himself half a mug of wine.  He sat down on the couch next to Grillby.  

“Is that a good idea?”  Grillby asked.

“eh.”  He closed his eyes and leaned back.  “won’t kill me.”  

Searily returned, carrying a box.  She handed it to Grillby.  "Open it carefully."

He pried up the lid and looked inside.  "…oh."  He closed it again, slowly.  

Sans turned and opened one of his eyes.  He must have heard something in Grillby’s voice.  

"She would have wanted to be here, for this,” Searily said.  

“……thank you,” Grillby said.  

“that, uh, a relative?”  Sans asked, quiet.  

“Yes.”

Sans sat up, rubbing at his eye sockets.  

Grillby was having trouble recognizing his own feelings.  It was a strange gift, but his mother knew how close he had been to his grandmother.  

She would have wanted to be there.  Would she have liked Sans?  He could imagine her seeing small things with terrible jokes on them at the store and spontaneously buying them to give to Sans, whether or not she actually liked him.  

Grillby still missed her, sometimes.  He wished Sans could have at least met her.  

Sans nudged him and when Grillby looked over, he saw that Sans was holding out a wadded up but clean tissue.  Did he seem like he was going to cry?  

He took it, and it started to burn almost immediately.  

“wait, i think i got another clean one,” Sans said, rummaging around in the pocket of his bathrobe.  He found one, and when he pulled it out several condiment packets fell out of it and onto the floor.  He ignored them and handed Grillby the new tissue.  

“Thank you.”  He took this one with a little more care.  He didn’t think he actually was going to cry, but sometimes Sans guessed how he was feeling better than he did.  

“I think my mother would have preferred to live in the city,” Searily said, “If she had gotten a chance to see the surface.”

“I…appreciate it,” Grillby said.  

“Hey,” Braise said.  "Give Mom a hug or something."  He finished off his glass of wine.  

Grillby nodded, numb, and carefully set his grandmother’s dust on the coffee table so he could hug his mother without knocking over the box.  

Eventually, his niece woke up and the three of them left to go drop their things off at their hotel.  Grillby woke Sans up for long enough to bring him back to bed.  

"i guess that was pretty nice,” Sans said.  "kinda hard to tell if you were happy or what, though."

"It was very kind,” Grillby agreed.  "I hope you don’t mind a dead relative you never met in the house."

"nah.”  He yawned.  "it’s a shame she’s not still around.  woulda liked to meet her."

He nodded.  He would have liked to meet Sans’ father.  Sans’ past was full of people Grillby had never met.  He had been a scientist once, apparently, and he must have worked with other scientists.  

Of course Grillby had all his exes and his own old coworkers who Sans probably didn’t know.  The monster who owned the building that eventually became Grillby’s bar had fallen down before Sans appeared in Snowdin.  Grillby was sure Sans would have liked him.  

"you look like someone who’s thinking way too much about people who are gone,” Sans said.  

“I was thinking about the people you’ll never meet.”  

“kind of a downer,” Sans said.  

Grillby shrugged.

“but what sorta mood is getting handed grandma’s remains supposed to put a guy in?” Sans asked.  "sorry.  this is kind of, uh, outside my comfort zone a little bit here."

"Neither of us is exactly young,” Grillby said.  

Could he count on Sans to be there for him, when someone close to him fell down?  His mother was not immortal, as much as it made him ill to even consider her falling.  

He thought about Sans, sick and medicated, fumbling through his pockets looking for a clean tissue.  Sans would _try_ , at least.  Maybe he wouldn’t have a few years ago, but he would now.  That was enough.

“yeah, we’re about to be shipped off to the old folk’s home,” Sans muttered.  "i think we’ve got a _couple_ years left."

"Yes, never mind,” Grillby said.  He wanted to shake this morbid mood. He rested his hand on Sans’ shoulder.  He was as solid as ever. “…enough of this.  I need to make dinner before they get back.”  

“and i need a quick break from all this activity,” Sans said.

“You were awake for ten whole minutes.  I’m surprised you can keep your eye sockets open.”  

“it’s ‘cause i’m so amazing,” Sans said.  He yawned and stretched.  

Grillby patted him on the chest and left him to rest until dinner.  


	7. Chapter 7

Papyrus did not really understand the purpose of a bachelor’s party, but he knew that, according to human tradition, it was his job as the Best Papyrus to organize one.  The human Frisk was very clear on that point.  

It was supposedly a final night of debauchery before the bachelor left that sort of behavior behind entirely, but Sans was already married.  And Papyrus was not entirely sure he wanted to participate in or organize a justification for such poor behavior.  

But, it was traditional.  Whatever its purpose, Papyrus did not mind organizing a party.  He invited all of Sans’ favorite people – himself, Grillby, Toriel, Alphys, and so on.  He thought of it as a celebration of the past.  Letting go of what used to be.  How romantic!  A final goodbye, before setting forth on a new path, straight towards a bright future!

Grillby’s brother should provide a similar party for him, but Papyrus was fairly certain that the brother was as ignorant of the tradition as Papyrus had been, before Frisk so kindly informed him.  So Papyrus would take on that role, and it would be a bachelor party for both grooms.  Papyrus was nothing if not a master of efficiency! 

He invited all of Grillby’s favorite people.  That of course included himself, Sans, the brother, the younger sister, and a large number of dogs.  

Frisk was upset that they were not invited, but of course they were not.  All Papyrus’ independent research indicated that those parties were not to involve children, probably because there were adult beverages.  He also found unclothed humans in his research.  That made sense, he supposed.  Embarrassing nudity would be symbolic at a party involving new beginnings.  

He was just going to pretend he was unaware of that tradition, however, and he was fairly certain Sans would thank him for ignoring it, if he knew.  

Undyne got really into the idea and volunteered her house for the event.  She purchased an unnecessary amount of alcohol.  

“You can’t even call it a party if no one ends up dead or puking!” she said.  

“THAT DOES NOT SOUND CORRECT.”  

“Trust me!  Your brother will thank the hell out of me when he hears about your boring ideas.”

“WELL OF COURSE I TRUST YOU TO DO WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT, UNDYNE!”  

Papyrus watched her cheerfully pour several bottles into a huge punch bowl. He had to admire her confidence.  She was truly wise in the art and science of mixology.  He was not entirely sure Grillby would approve, but there were what felt like a hundred other bottles for him to choose from, so he would not be left without options.  

“Hey, look, I know this isn’t your kind of party,” she said.  "So if you want to head out early, I don’t mind taking over!" 

He was certain that would betray his role as the host, but…he was also certain that he would end up doing what she suggested.  He did not enjoy being around drunk people, especially his brother.  It might be a rare moment when betrayal was the correct option.  He would not be abandoning them and leaving them entirely without a host, after all.  

"SANS!”  Papyrus marched around the house.  "YOUR PARTY IS IN AN HOUR!  WHERE ARE YOU?  YOU CAN’T BE LATE WHEN YOU ARE ONE OF THE GUESTS OF HONOR!"

Grillby was still getting ready, but at least Papyrus knew he _was_ getting ready.  

"my what.”  Sans was suddenly behind him.  

“YOU KNOW I HATE WHEN YOU DO THAT!”  Papyrus turned around, but Sans wasn’t there.

“ok,” Sans said, from behind him.  

“SANS!!”

“you moved when i did.”  

Papyrus spun around, and Sans wasn’t there.  "WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!"

"time for what?”  Sans was behind him.  

Papyrus was starting to get dizzy.  He stomped his foot.  "REMEMBER YOUR PARTY!  ARE YOU EVEN DRESSED?"

"uh.  ok.  start over.  i’m 99% sure the wedding’s tomorrow.”  

“OF COURSE IT IS!  I HAVE BEEN PLANNING THIS FOR AGES, SANS!  TONIGHT IS YOUR–”  he broke off.  He had started planning the party _after_ Sans got sick.  He had told Grillby, but never mentioned it to Sans.  Usually Sans was uncomfortably aware of everything that was going on, anyway, but that was not always true when he was unwell. “–TONIGHT IS YOUR SURPRISE BACHELOR PARTY!”  

“what’s that?”  

“FRISK INFORMED ME OF THIS HUMAN TRADITION.  IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE BEST MAN, AND FREQUENTLY TAKES PLACE IMMEDIATELY BEFORE THE WEDDING.”

“ok, yeah, i guess i’ve heard of it,” Sans said.  "we going to a bar or something?"

"UNDYNE HAS KINDLY AGREED TO CO-HOST THE PARTY AT HER HOME." 

Grillby left the bedroom.  "…Sans.  Are you really planning on going like that?"

"look.  i know i’m lazy, but you gotta give me a minute to get ready, ok.  i’ll guess i’ll put some pants on.”  Disgruntled, Sans walked off to the bedroom.  He only had on a very long shirt.  

“…you…didn’t tell him…”  Grillby rubbed under his glasses.  

“HE WAS SICK WHILE I WAS PLANNING IT!  IT COMPLETELY SLIPPED MY MIND!  BUT I TOLD HIM IT WAS A SURPRISE PARTY, SO HE DID NOT SUSPECT ANYTHING WAS AMISS.”  

Sans put on pants and a clean shirt for the party.  Papyrus drove.  

He heard Sans say, quiet, to Grillby in the backseat: “if paps hired a stripper then this’ll be the worst day of my life.”  

“HIRED A WHAT?”  Papyrus asked, loud.  "ARE WE SUPPOSED TO STRIP PAINT FOR THIS KIND OF PARTY?  OH NO!  I WAS UNAWARE!  DO WE HAVE TIME TO STOP AT THE HARDWARE STORE?"

"no, no, it’s okay.  this is going to be the coolest party ever, no matter what,” Sans said.

"WHAT A STRANGE HUMAN TRADITION!"  

A sense of relief permeated the car.  Papyrus had saved the day, once again.  

–

Sans managed to dodge a ceremonial bachelor’s noogie from Undyne on the way in.  

He didn’t manage to dodge a huge hug from Alphys, who must have been testing the punch while she got the place ready.  She whispered loudly in his ear hole that she had the tv on in the basement.  If he wanted to skip out on the bachelor party and have a huge loser party with the people who hated crowds, he was welcome to sneak down there.  

“sounds great, alph,” he said.  He didn’t plan on spending the night in the basement, but he wasn’t really feeling the party vibe, either.  

He watched Grillby try to escape Undyne’s loud attention.  It was worth it showing up to see that, though.  

Alphys pulled out a camera and started taking pictures.  She handled the camera very well for someone barely on her feet.  

Sans noticed Grillby’s glasses aim away from Undyne for a second, and turn towards him.  Whoops.  He was going to hear about this later.  Sans waved.  

Grillby’s collar was off-kilter when Sans met up with him at the drink table.  

“…you abandoned me,” Grillby said.  

“you looked like you were having a good time,” Sans said.  

Grillby caught his reflection in a bottle and carefully fixed his shirt.  “She gave me a speech about the heat of passion and then tried to fight me.”  

“heh, yeah, that’s her.”  

Grillby took a bottle out of Sans’ hand and filled a glass with the contents.  “I think I’m too old for this kind of party.”

“tell that to tori,” Sans said, nodding at her.  

Toriel was sitting with the old Snowdin shopkeeper and innkeeper, and laughing at something one of them said.  She looked like she was having an amazing time.  It wasn’t often she attended a party where the guests were all adults.  

“you’re just mad ‘cause you got put in a headlock.”

“You could have saved me,” Grillby said.  

Sans patted him on the back.  "sometimes, pal, it’s all i can do to save myself."

"Lazy.”  Grillby’s mood was improving now that he had a drink and was away from Undyne.    

“yeah.”  Sans. took a sip of the punch, and froze.  "woah."

"What’s in that?”  

“what’s not, is the real question.”  He tried it again.  "ow."

Grillby took the cup out of his hand and tried it.  

"rude.”

“…god.”  Grillby handed Sans back his cup.  "…offensive."

Sans looked in his cup.  Grillby had finished off half of it.  He looked at the glass of clear liquid Grillby was also still holding.  So that’s what they were doing.  Sans couldn’t wait until the next day when they both had hangovers and still had to get out of bed and get married.  

Oh well.  It was a party.  He refilled his glass and went to see what Tori thought was so funny.  A couple hours later, when everything was pleasantly hazy, Papyrus came over and apologized for leaving so early.  

"aw, you should stick around,” Sans said.  "it’s your party.  i mean, you made it."

"PART OF ME WANTS TO STAY AND MAKE SURE YOU AND UNDYNE DON’T OVER-IMBIBE AND HURT YOURSELVES,” Papyrus said.  

“nah.  i got a lock on this.  go home if you’re not feeling it.”  

“ALL RIGHT!  BUT WHEN YOU GO TO DO SOMETHING, FIRST STOP AND THINK:  WOULD MY COOL BROTHER PAPYRUS ENGAGE IN THIS BEHAVIOR?”

“that’s what i ask myself about everything.”  

“THAT IS UNFORTUNATELY NOT TRUE.  BUT, HAVE FUN!”  He gave Sans a hug and hurried away.    

Sans spotted Grillby sitting with his brother and sister.  The sister said something, and Grillby took a drink.  That could mean he was having a great time over there, or a terrible time.  

Sans snuck behind them and eavesdropped, to see if Grillby needed a rescue.  Maybe he could make up for earlier.  

“I guess I’ll give you that he’s cute,” the sister said, “But I still don’t get it.”  

“I’ve got a theory,” Braise said.  

“I don’t think I want to hear this,” Grillby said.  

Cute?   Were they talking about Papyrus behind his back?  

“Look at Sans’ friends.  Do you see a theme?”  Braise asked.  

Aw, Grillby’s little sister thought Sans was cute.  

“Uh.  Intimidating?  That’s the old queen, and the old head of the royal guard, and the old royal scientist.  I guess his brother’s the mascot, so that’s probably how he met them, but, still.”  

“I was gonna say there wasn’t one, but you’re right.  Weird.  Anyway.   Now look at _his_ friends.”  Braise gestured at Grillby. “What’s the theme, there?”  

“Uhhhh.  There’s…a bunch…of dogs?  A couple rabbits.  Wait.”  She started to laugh.  "You’re talking about the dogs."

"I mean, you can’t spend that much time with a type of monster and not pick something up from them.”  

Grillby rested his head on the table.  It was time for Sans to step in.  

“oh hey, this is where you got to.”  

Everyone at the table started.  They hadn’t seen him coming.  

“Sans.”  Grillby looked up.  His flames reached a little towards Sans, like he was pleading with him to save him.  

“how much’ve you had?  c'mon.  time to walk it off.”  He took Grillby’s arm and tried to haul him up.  

“I’m fine,” he said.  He let himself be pulled to his feet.  He leaned on Sans as they walked away.  

“give a dog a bone here and try to carry a little of your own weight, pal.”  He looked up at Grillby and winked.  "maybe i should’ve said that the other way around.“  It didn’t work that way, either, but it was good enough to get his point across.  

It took a few seconds for it to click for Grillby what Sans was saying.  He groaned. "Of course you overheard that.”

“it’s gotta be _ruff_ , buddy, getting teased like that.”  

“…I don’t know why I thought…you were here to rescue me…”

“you were really barking up the wrong tree.”  

“Sans.”

Sans couldn’t stop laughing.  Grillby was drunk enough that he joined in, after a minute.  They ended up back by the drink table.  

Another couple hours in, Sans was pretty sure he could take a punch from Undyne without feeling it.  He’d still die, sure, but it wouldn’t hurt.  

He found Grillby sitting alone away from everyone.  

“you done?”  Sans asked.  

“Taking a break.”  

“hey, that’s my line.”  

“Take it with me?”  

Sans looked around for another chair.  There was one a few feet away, but that was still pretty far.  He’d have to drag it over.  That wasn’t going to happen.  

He climbed up into Grillby’s lap.  He was aware that there were people around, but it was tough to care.  

Grillby focused on him.  "…hello."  He looked happy.  He wrapped his arms around Sans and kissed him.  

"hey.”  He closed his eyes.  This was nice.  He’d had so much, he felt like he was floating.  He gripped Grillby’s shirt like it was the only thing keeping him from falling.  

He rested his head on Grillby’s shoulder.  "you set for tomorrow?"

"Yes.”  Grillby continued to find places on his skull to kiss.  

“me too.  want to head home?”

“My brother said he would drive us.”  

“that’s nice.  brothers'r great.  i’ve got a shortcut, though.”  

“Mm, I don’t want to end up on the other side of the country.”  

“hey.  wouldn’t happen.  probably.”  

Grillby laughed, and Sans looked up again to see it.  Grillby kissed him, and Sans heard a camera click about a foot away.  It took a while for him to understand what he had heard.  

Alphys was nearby, beaming at them.  When they made eye contact, she raised her camera again and took another picture.  

“alphys,” Sans said.  “c'mon, alph.”  

“Finally!  I’ve been trying to get a good shot of you two all night!”  

“the punch was a trap, grillbz,” Sans said.  

Grillby was oblivious.  He smooched the side of Sans’ head.  

“alph, what’d i ever do to you?”

“Eheh, remember your toast at _my_   wedding?” she asked.  

“that was solid gold from start to finish.”  

She raised the camera and snapped another photo.

“ok, ok, fair enough, i guess.  the next time you get married it’ll be a serious speech.”  

“Th-there’s no point bargaining!  I already posted the first few online!”  

He’d thought they were friends.  Well, like he wouldn’t do something similar in her position.  Maybe he should stop being a jerk to his friends if he didn’t want them to be jerks back.  Nah.  

“Are we going?”  Poor Grillby was too out of it to realize what was going on.  

“yeah.”  He climbed down, Grillby hanging onto him to keep him from falling on the floor.  

They found Braise, and he got his keys after a thorough examination from Undyne made clear he was sober, and they headed towards the door.  Alphys was still hovering around, so before they left, Sans tugged on Grillby’s sleeve.

“hey.  land one on me before we get out of here.”  

Grillby nodded.  He seemed to register Alphys and her camera.  He bent down and Sans tipped his head up and they smooched once in front of everyone.  Sans would be embarrassed in the morning when he saw the pictures of them online, but he’d try to think of it as a trial run for the wedding itself.  

“All right?”  Grillby asked.  

“yeah, let’s go.  long day, tomorrow.”  

Grillby rested his hand on Sans’ back to steady him, or to steady himself, and they walked together out to the car.  


	8. Chapter 8

Sans almost turned off his alarm and went back to sleep, but something made him pause.  Nothing could be that important when he had a hangover, right?  The kid had the summer off.  Tori wasn’t going to want to eat breakfast with someone sick and complaining.  Did he have a date?

Wait.  He sort of did.  He was getting married.  

He groaned and sat up.  Grillby was gone, probably already busy getting ready.  

Sans found him in the kitchen, running the blender.  

“wow.  you’re up for breakfast?”  

“…hangover cure,” Grillby said.  

That got Sans’ full attention.  "a real one?"

He nodded.  

"you never told me you knew how to make those.”

“My hangovers never last long enough to bother.  But it’s a special occasion.”  

Sans closed his eyes.  His skull felt like he had dumped a tray of silverware inside it and the forks kept jabbing the inside, around his eye sockets.  He could expect to feel like that for most of the rest of the day.  "hey.  what about the rest of the house."

Grillby considered him.  "Fifty dollars.”

“what?”

“Pay me fifty dollars, and the next time you have a hangover I will make this for you.”  

“…hey."  It hurt to laugh.  "you’re supposed to take care of me."

”…fine.  Since you are my husband, I will give you the recipe for a thousand dollars."  He opened up the blender and poured a mystery liquid in, and set it to blend again.  

"but fifty bucks and you’ll make it for me.  i think you’ve got it switched around which has more value for me, here, grillbz.”  

“Once.  The price each time depends on my mood when you ask.”  

“all right.  got it.”  He watched Grillby pour the “cure” into glasses.  "just put it on my tab."

Grillby’s shoulders shook when he laughed.  "Ow.”  

Even if Grillby’s hangovers didn’t last that long, they at least got to suffer together for a little while.  He made sure Grillby actually tried the hangover cure first, before he tasted it himself.  

It was…indescribable.  

“I also don’t make it…because it tastes disgusting.”  

But Sans already felt his headache fading, and even though the horrible flavor should have made him sick, his nausea went away entirely.  In a few minutes, he was starving.  He made himself a pot of coffee and found some poptarts in a cupboard.  Grillby went back into the bedroom the second the cure started working, so Sans had to find his own breakfast.  

Papyrus burst into the kitchen fifteen minutes later.  He was fully dressed in his “Handsome Dude” suit.  He didn’t look like he had slept.  

“lookin good there bro,” Sans said.  He broke off another piece of untoasted poptart.  

“WHY ARE YOU STILL IN YOUR PAJAMAS??”  

“what?  you don’t think this is good enough to get hitched in?  aw, man.” He grabbed his pot of coffee and started towards the bedroom.  

“THERE IS A SCHEDULE TO THIS, BROTHER!  YOU CANNOT WANDER IN TO YOUR OWN WEDDING LATE WITHOUT EMOTIONAL REPERCUSSIONS.”  

“i–”  But Papyrus had already run out of the room.  Sans shrugged and went to check on Grillby.  

He was expecting a tux.  No, Sans was expecting _the_ tux.  The one Grillby owned that he’d seen him in a bunch of times.  He’d had no idea that Grillby had gone out and bought something new for the wedding.  Of course he had, though.

Sans took a sip of his pot of coffee and set it down on the nightstand. Poptart crumbs littered his shirt.  

Grillby had gone for a mostly white suit.  The collar, buttons, and the top of the pockets were black.  Sans knew a long thought process must’ve gone into the decision to get that suit.  He should be supportive.

“nice,” he said.  

“Thank you.”  

“remind me not to get anywhere near you, though,” Sans said.  He brushed crumbs off of himself and went over to the closet.  

Grillby shook his head.  "Watch."  He picked up Sans’ pot of coffee.  

"wait.”

He poured some of it over his sleeve.  The coffee just rolled off onto the floor, leaving his clothes as clean as ever.  "This was expensive." 

"ok so i have to spill stuff on you to justify the cost.  got it.”  Sans nodded.  

“Right.”

Papyrus banged on the door.  "ARE YOU GETTING READY IN THERE?"

"yeah.”

“…no you aren’t,” Grillby said.

“i’m almost there.”  

“FRISK JUST INFORMED ME THAT IT IS A LOCAL TRADITION THAT YOU NOT SEE EACH OTHER THE MORNING OF THE WEDDING!”  

“uh.  that ship’s kind of sailed.”  

“IT IS APPARENTLY UNLUCKY!”  

“oh well.”  

Grillby shrugged.

“they’re just getting us back for not inviting them to the party last night, is what i think,” Sans said.  "next they’ll tell paps it’s unlucky if one of the guys getting married is fire."

"…rude.“

"right?  what a rude kid.”  

Sans got his suit down out of the closet.  He’d only worn it a few times, so it still looked new.  He tossed it on the bed and finished off the coffee that Grillby hadn’t dumped on his arm.  Once the pot was empty, he started getting changed.  

“Are you nervous?”  Grillby asked.  

“nah.”  He caught an edge to the question.  "you?"  

"I don’t want anything to go wrong.”  He sighed.  "But something always does."

"sure.  no avoiding it.”  He shrugged.  "if so much goes wrong we have to cancel, we’ll just make everyone go to vegas in a month and give it another shot."

"Let’s do that anyway.  We’ll have another wedding every month.”  

“sounds like a good time.”  

Grillby knelt in front of him and carefully smoothed out his collar.  

“maybe too much work, though.”  

He shrugged.  He made a looping gesture with his hand and Sans turned around.  Grillby patted out a wrinkle on the back of his suit. “There.”

“we’re ready?  let’s get out of here.”  

Grillby nodded and stood up.

 –

 “ARE YOU NERVOUS, BROTHER?  TODAY IS A BIG AND IMPORTANT DAY!" 

"If you are uneasy, you must only remind yourself that divorce is always an option.”  

“I flipped out and hid in the c-car, so I remember what it was like!  Undyne had to get me.  Just take some deep breaths if you start to f-freak out.”

“uh.”  Everyone was very sure that Sans was a nervous wreck.  They were making him nervous about how much he was taking it in stride.  

Toriel sent him some soothing memes on his phone.  Frisk gave him a hug and told him everything was going to be fine and they probably weren’t cursed even though he and Grillby saw each other in their wedding clothes.  

Sans found the pictures Alphys had posted the previous night.  He had been uncomfortable about smooching in front of crowd, but Alphys had accidentally done him a solid and now he didn’t care.  

Grillby looked kind of funny when he was drunk.  His shape was all over the place, like when he was half-awake in the morning.  Sans saved the pictures.  

He noticed that under one of the photos Alphys had added a poll surveying their friends to see who shipped Sans with his husband.  He sent a link to the poll to Grillby, wondering if they should cancel if it got enough “no” votes.  

Grillby said that the answers would just determine who got thank you notes for their wedding presents.  

Sans wasn’t nervous.  He was supposed to be nervous.  It wasn’t even that they were already married, because the ceremony was still sort of a big deal.  He should be worried about messing up and ruining Grillby’s day, right?  

He felt blank.  He wondered if his friends were reading that off of him and misinterpreting it.  

He had told Papyrus a while ago that things were going so well, it made a part of him worry because there’d been a time when things had gone really well and then turned on a dime and went as bad as they could possibly go.  Sans was starting to figure out that feeling blank wasn’t the same as feeling nothing.  There was something there, and it probably had to do with what he’d said to Papyrus.  

Welp.  If he had a nervous breakdown, he hoped he held it off for a while. If it waited until after the ceremony, maybe Alphys would have some anime on her phone and they could be nervous losers together under a table somewhere.  She’d like that.  He would probably actually be fine once the bulk of it was done, though.  

“Hey!  What’s up?  You look like you’re going to puke!”  Undyne tried to slap him on the back.  

“maybe chugging that pot of coffee was a bad idea.  nah.”  

“No regrets!  Show yourself who’s boss, and chug another one!”  

“good idea.”  

“If you die doing something like that, I’ll talk you up at your funeral.”

They both spotted Papyrus walking over and Undyne loudly struggled to change the subject to something not about Sans' funeral.  

“YOU NEED TO BE STANDING BY GRILLBY,” Papyrus explained, gently pushing Sans in the correct direction.  

“i thought i wasn’t supposed to look at him.”

“IT IS TOO LATE, SO YOU SHOULD GO OVER THERE SO PEOPLE CAN TAKE YOUR PICTURE.”  

“k.”

 –

 It was easy to say Grillby was hot, all decked out in his fancy suit.  

“What?” Grillby asked, when he caught Sans laughing.  

“you must be pretty happy.  you’re _glowing_.”    

“I feel like I’ve been waiting all morning for that exact joke.”

“you know me too well, grillbz.”  

Grillby actually looked beautiful.  Sans knew he was lucky.  

“And I married you anyway,” he said.  He was in a great mood.  

Sans snickered.  "sucker.“  

Grillby had done up the bar pretty nice.  There was a barrier in the middle anyone could walk through, but it kept the heat from Grillby’s family from making the rest of the guests uncomfortable.  His mother had spent a couple days setting it up.  

Front and center Grillby had put up an archway.  It burned with a harmless magic flame.  Most of the rest of the lighting in the room was artificial, to keep the heat down, but they weren’t getting away without having a little decorative fire.  

”……you ready?“  Grillby asked, checking his watch.  

"yup.”

They walked up to the front of the room.  Alphys cued the music.

 –

 Papyrus was tearing up.  Undyne handed him a handkerchief covered in tiny fish.  

“Don’t worry,” she whispered.  "It doesn’t have my snot on it or anything.  I washed it!"

He had been assuming it was clean, but now he eyed it with some unease. He did not have any other options, other than wiping his eye sockets on his sleeve, so he decided he had no choice.  

Grillby was so happy, he was actually taller than normal.  He almost blended in with the top of the archway.  

Sans’ hands had found their way into his pockets, again.  He looked uncomfortable, and like he was itching to tell a bad joke, but Papyrus was so proud of him for just being there.  The lights in Sans’ eye sockets were bright and clear.  

One of Grillby’s relatives who Papyrus did not know very well came up and presided over the ceremony.  Papyrus clutched Undyne’s handkerchief to his chest and watched, enthralled by the proceedings.  He was aware of everything that was going to happen, and had taken part in planning most of it, but it was _different_ seeing it actually happen.  

Papyrus leaned forward when they got to the part he was a little nervous about.  Sans had said that it sounded "a little weird,” so Papyrus had worried he was going to mess it up as a joke.  He had underestimated how careful Sans had decided to be to make Grillby happy.  

Grillby held up a small flame.  It floated over his hand.  Sans was deliberately not looking at the audience, Papyrus assumed because he was embarrassed.  He kept his eyes on Grillby.

Sans took the flame from Grillby and held it.  Papyrus knew that Grillby was doing all the work with that, since Sans was not very good at fire magic, but it was still romantic.  He sighed and wiped at his sockets.  

Undyne patted him on the leg.  There were more tears in his eyes, then, because she did not see the point in doing things gently.  He still appreciated the sentiment.  

“Now, Grillby wanted to say a few words,” the officiant said.  

Grillby started to speak.  “…………”

“What’s he saying?”  Undyne whispered, nudging Papyrus.  

“UM…” Papyrus had known that Grillby was planning on speaking, and normally he did fairly well understanding him.  Grillby was talking faster than he usually did even when talking with Sans or his family, though, probably out of nervousness.  

Over in the fire elemental section, Grillby’s mother dabbed under her glasses with her own handkerchief.  Whatever was being said was quite touching.  

Sans, at least, was following it.  He chuckled at something Grillby said.  His grin widened and he shook his head.  Grillby put his hand on Sans’ shoulder when he finished.  

“uh. i didn’t prep anything, so.  ditto,” Sans said.  

Papyrus would have been angry, but he thought maybe there were a few tears in Sans’ eye sockets, too.  He would still yell at him later, but gently.  

Grillby laughed and bent down far enough to kiss him.  

Papyrus blew his nose on the handkerchief, overwhelmed with emotion.  


	9. Chapter 9

Sans didn’t mind the slow dancing.  He just had to stand in place until Grillby decided they should move around.  If the height difference hadn’t made it uncomfortable, he would have kept it up.  They both talked quiet and the music was loud, so they didn’t chat much.  

Once Sans was done, Grillby danced with his mother and each of his siblings.  Sans sat down with Alphys and Tori.  Toriel had collected the most awful wedding jokes she could find online and she read them out loud.  Because she was the best.  Alphys reminisced about her favorite anime marriages, and compared his unfavorably.  Because she was the best.  

Grillby had a couple drinks in him by that point, so no one was surprised when he walked over and held out his hand to Toriel.  He wasn’t bothering to speak at all with the noise, but his meaning was clear enough.  

Toriel was flattered.  A minute later, Undyne came by and hauled Alphys out onto the dance floor, so Sans was left by himself.  

Everything had gone well.  No huge disasters.  Grillby hadn’t told him in advance he was saying anything, so he wasn’t heated about Sans not managing to come out with an impromptu speech.  Sans didn’t really care if anyone else thought he was a jerk for not saying anything, so that was fine.  

Grillby looked good, and was about as happy as Sans had ever seen him.  Which was the whole point of all this messing around.  Sans wasn’t sure why he was suddenly so uneasy.  

He wished his friends were still sitting with him.  He knew he could just wait out the song or wait for someone to come over and congratulate him.  He got up and went outside for some fresh air.  

There were a couple other people outside, smoking.  Sans stopped to talk with them.  He said he’d thought he’d seen the kid heading outside, and they told him they hadn’t seen ‘em.  Sans went to pretend to check around back, and once he was out of sight, he took a shortcut to a little park where he knew the air would be clear.  

He was relieved to find the place empty.  Sometimes he went there in the middle of the night and kids would be playing basketball or getting drunk, but this time he was there alone.  He sat down on the bench where Grillby had struggled to ask him out.  He had a lot of good memories attached to that park. 

He swung his legs and let the warm summer breeze rush through his bones.

He needed to get back, before Grillby realized he was gone and freaked out.  Sans kept sitting where he was.  

After a little while, his phone buzzed.  It was Grillby.

_*Frisk is inside dancing with Papyrus.  So you don’t need to look anymore._

_*oh hey thanks.  mustve just missed em_

That would buy him a couple more minutes.  His head needed sorting.  

He stared up at the sky until it hit him.  There were people missing.  His dad, obviously, but not just him.  Almost everyone he’d known from before things had gone to hell.  

His phone buzzed.

* _Are you coming back?  If you’re done, I’m tired myself._  
_*Where are you?_

_*needed some fresh air_

_*Are you even in the same state right now?_

_*yeah but theres no point walking around looking_   
_*gimme a sec_

_*Can you bring me to where you are?  I could use some fresh air, too._

Sans knew he should just go back.  

  _*sure_

Grillby snuck into the kitchen and Sans picked him up there.  

“i guess i hit a wall,” Sans said.  

Grillby shrugged and sat down with him on the bench.  Sans noticed that he had died back somewhat.  He wasn’t just saying he was tired as an excuse to see what Sans was up to.  "…you drank…too much coffee."

"nah.  not possible.  you know it’s not cool to make stuff up, grillbz.”

“People are going to wonder where we are.”  

Sans shrugged.  "hey let’s hit that crap diner before we go back.  for old time’s sake."

"So long as we don’t actually eat there.”  

“just hang out in the door.  'hey remember that time we ate here.’  sure they’ll appreciate that.”

“We can stand outside.”  

“eh.”  Sans leaned against him.  "standing, though."

"Yes, that’s true.”  

Grillby was a good distraction.  Sans shouldn’t have left the party.  He closed his eyes, for a minute.

“Are you all right?”

“yeah.”  It was technically true.  "had a weird couple minutes, but i’m ok now."

"What was it about?”  Grillby probably wouldn’t have pushed the point a few years ago.  Sans would have lied if he asked back then, anyway.  

“you ever make a promise and you put a lot into it, but it didn’t work out?”

“…yes, of course.”  

Sans looked up at him, curious.

“…right now I can only think of promises I made while dating.  For some reason.”  He sighed.  "This is…probably not the time to admit it, but…there are men I’ve told I will love forever who…I don’t even like now."

"huh.”

Sans could tell Grillby was preparing to say something long.  He waited.

“……when I was young I used to think that because monsters can’t persist without love, that somehow meant that it was eternal, all on its own.  When I make similar promises to you, it’s knowing that it isn’t…self-maintaining.”

“so you made those promises not knowing enough.”  

Grillby nodded.  "I’m still not proud of it."

Sans sighed.  He should give him something.  "ok.  look, i get in a real good mood, and then i think about bad stuff that happened and the promises i failed to deliver on, and i don’t think i deserve it.  how can i put this?  i shouldn’t be here.”  He shrugged.  "i mean, i get that it’s dumb and i gotta let it go, but, eh.  can’t always knock it off."

Grillby shook his head.  

"wish i could just enjoy stuff these days without all this other garbage rattling around.”  Being blank felt better than that.  But there had been other consequences to not caring.  He was better off letting himself be miserable, sometimes.  

Silence stretched out.  Grillby didn’t know what to say.  He pulled Sans into a hug, and held him.  

“sorry.”

Grillby was hugging him a little tight.  

“you hitched your ride to a guy with a couple issues,” Sans said.  

He kissed the top of Sans’ head.  

“sucker.”

“Yes.”

They really needed to go back.  Maybe get in another drink or another slow dance before they headed out for real.  He was messing up Grillby’s day.  "you put up with a lot from me."  Grillby always denied it, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t true.  

”…did you say that to make me angry?  I don’t just put up with you." 

"yeah.”

“Which part are you agreeing with?”

“both of 'em.”  

Grillby sighed.  

“hey.  uh.  by the way.  i really care about you, you know that?  if i’m not making that clear.”

“I know you do.”  He rubbed Sans’ shoulders.  "…and…'ditto.’"

"heh.  kind of put me on the spot, in there.  but that was a nice speech you gave.”  

“I meant it.”  

“hey, i meant my part there too.”  

“…do you also own a bar?”  

“i never told you that?”  Well, he returned the _sentiment_ of what Grillby had said, even if the specifics didn’t work reversed.

Grillby laughed, a little.  Sans couldn’t hear it, but they were close enough that he could feel it in how the air got warmer, and the abrupt way Grillby’s chest moved.  "Are you ready to go?"

"yeah.”  Sans sat back up.  

They decided to stop at the crap diner after the party, if they weren’t both exhausted.  For old time’s sake.  Sans took Grillby back to the bar’s kitchen, and Grillby took his arm and pulled him back into the main room.  

“…one more dance?”  

“you’re really into that, huh.  sure.”  

A number of people had left while Sans was gone.  It would have been quieter, if the remaining people weren’t making up for the missing monsters by being drunk and boisterous.  Papyrus spotted Sans, and he felt a burst of guilt at the relief on his face.  Of course his brother had noticed he wasn’t around.  

Sans put his hands on Grillby’s waist, and Grillby put his on Sans’ shoulders.  Sans had a great view of Grillby’s stomach.  He looked up.  "you gotta just lift me up."

"Then you wouldn’t do _any_ of the work.”  

“i mean, yeah.”  

“And I’m tired.”  

“good thing i wasn’t _wedded_ to the idea.”  

“Shush.”

“what do you call–”

“Sans.”

“–what do you call a fruit that can’t get married?”  

“…”

“cantaloupe.”

“…they should turn the music up again.”  

“heh.”  He dropped his head against Grillby’s stomach.  "hey, what time is it?"  he asked, quiet.  

Grillby checked his watch and told him.  

He snickered.

"…what is it?"

"nothing.” He’d wait out the song.  "think it’s about time everyone headed out."

"………why?"

"hold onto me.”  

“………….Sans?”

The song came to an end.  He stepped back and made eye contact with Alphys.  She held up her video camera.  She wasn’t going to get a lot of visual, in a minute, but recording the sound was important.  

“What are you doing?”  Grillby was increasingly uneasy.  

“thought i’d do something to celebrate the time you popped–” he winked, and there was a loud clapping sound as the room filled up with hundreds of balloons “–the question.”  

Someone screamed, and someone else barked in alarm.  A few of the balloons popped, as the drunk guests stumbled over them.  The heat from the fire elementals made a number of them go at once.  There was a loud scattering of bangs.  

“SANS!”  He couldn’t see Papyrus, but he could sure hear him.

“whoops. let’s get out of here.”

Grillby started to say something.  It was difficult to see or hear with all the wedding balloons.  A few of them were still stuck to them when they appeared in front of the all night diner.  Sans’ phone buzzed.

_*ACTUALLY, I HAVE TO CONGRATULATE YOU ON THIS PARTICULAR BIT OF TOMFOOLERY!_   
_*AS FAR AS YOUR JAPES AND USUAL HIJINKS GO, THAT ONE WAS NOT THAT TERRIBLE!_

_*aw thanks bro_

“bro complimented my sweet jape,” Sans explained.  

“I’m glad.”  

“makes it all worth it.”  

They went inside and Grillby ordered their dry, rubbery eggs.  Sans tried to “egg him on” into putting ketchup on them.  "that’s something people other than me do, you know."

Sans got a grilled cheese sandwich.  It was only a little burnt around the edges.  Sans was pretty sure the cook there was actually asleep.  

"That is not something other people put ketchup on.”  

Sans looked it up on his phone, and proved Grillby wrong.  "this article even says other people _should_ be dipping 'em.  i’m like ahead of the curve here.“  

Alphys posted the video online while they were eating.  Like Sans expected, she claimed no pre-knowledge of what went down.  He’d known she didn’t like being pranked much, and telling her had meant he could leave without missing out on anything.  

”…you are a strange little man,“ Grillby said, watching the video.

"i saved one balloon just for you.”  He removed the final one from his inventory.  He’d written “grilbert x snas” on it and drawn a heart around the words.  

“It looks like a four year old drew that heart,” Grillby said.  

“hey.  don’t insult four year olds like that.”  

“…stop trying to hand it to me.  It will pop as soon as I touch it.”  

“aw man.  and here i was being all romantic.”  

“…sorry…if I…”  He sighed.  "…burst your bubble."

Sans was delighted.  "love you, grillbz.”  

“After that joke, at least one of us does.”

Sans snickered.  

“…of course…I love you, too.”  He poked at his eggs with his fork, resigned.

Sans’ grin widened.  "sucker.“  

"For the rest of my life.”  Grillby kissed his own fingers, reached across the table, and pressed the kiss against the middle of Sans’ forehead.  

Sans was sure he couldn’t ask for a better day.  

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Marriage.png](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8725420) by [malaxis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/malaxis/pseuds/malaxis)




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